It’s time we had a talk. Please, take a seat.
You’ve been an integral part of this company since the beginning. And by you, I mean me. This company, companyguy LLC, is a real company. There’s an LLC and everything. It has produced youtube videos at an amazing pace; nearly once a week sometimes. The channel focuses mostly on guys in their 30’s chatting and playing embarrassing games about movies, TV, and video games.
Which frankly, is why I called you in here. You’re owner, founder, CEO, and sole employee of this completely real company. But since it’s inception, our profits have gone from $0 per fiscal quarter to zero dollars per quarter. That’s a growth rate of 0.00% per fiscal year. If we had share holders, they’d be leaping out hypothetical sky rises as we speak. Meanwhile, other youtube channels are doing gangbusters like Zak George’s Dog Training Revolution. Granted, he works with a team of Labradors which he probably pays in string cheese so he’s basically cheating. But have you seen that channel? He’s busting gangs all over the place. Why aren’t there more terriers in your videos?
Let’s take a look at some of our programming and see where we’ve gone wrong.
Partial Recall
A group of friends gather together to remember movies they haven’t seen in many moons. This is normally accompanied by a quiz that tests their knowledge. In the second half, that movie is watched by all with a lively discussion, followed by a prize to the quiz winner.
So I gather this is just nostalgia farming? Something every hollywood executive in the country is doing?
Preview Review
Three movies that the hosts have never seen nor know anything about are selected. Only the titles and posters are seen. The first segment has the hosts placing a one big bet that might happen in any of the three movies. One movie is selected at random and after watching the trailer, 2 more bets are placed about that movie. After watching the movie, the hosts break down the plot and the gamblers are awarded or shamed.
The rules to this “show” are too complicated and everyone gets bogged down in the plot which ends up with 30+ minute long episodes. Is it any wonder no one watches? These should be 2-3 minutes MAX.
Game Overtime
Thumbs are tested as contestants compete in retro video game challenges. Players pick challenges out of a giant box or from toys owned by a grown man. Winners get a nifty little lapel pin. Neat! Do they also win back their dignity or does that get sold off for parts?
Two Sense
Jason, (you/me) and his brother Jared discus whatever is on their minds. This one doesn’t even have a structure to it. It’s literally just two guys talking about pop culture. This grim picture is becoming all too clear to me.
In addition to the above, there’s been “lets play’s” and experimental “comedy” videos and really whatever leftover scraps slide off of the plate in your head. Are you noticing a pattern here? It’s all the same derivative trash that hundreds are already doing.
I know you’ve been here for a long time and have supported the company through it’s ups and downs. Mostly downs. And the downs are the real problem so I think you can see where I’m going with this.
We’re just going to have to let you go. It’s not personal, it’s just a dollars and cents thing. I mean, your lack of talent and innovative thinking certainly contributed, but it’s just time we parted ways. This for-really-real company just can’t sustain the losses any more. I wish you luck in all your future endeavors. Call us if you need any references.
-Jason